Note: I wrote all of this while spending Thanksgiving with my family and saved it as a draft, to finish at a later date. Clearly I forgot about it, till now.
At the time I found my student’s concern endearing and adorable. Of course I was coming back to them. On December 23rd I lost my job and was asked not to tell my students. I left and I didn’t come back, and I’m still having trouble forgiving myself.
November 28th: I found a note in my phone that I must have written when I was half asleep but thought I was saying something profound.
Have you ever considered the brilliance you carry with you and pass on to others? There’s a light there, that makes you happy, and makes you keep going. It’s the passion that holds you together on your weakest days and hardest nights. There’s something to be said for unconditional love, as it catches you by surprise and dangles you by your toes. You’ve never felt so out of control and you’ve never loved it so much.
Sometimes it’s hard to believe they’re real people, just as real as we are. Someday they will be us. But “someday” is far away, and right now is the time to help them become the best real person they can aspire to be.
I’m not entirely sure what was going on that day and what possessed me to wake up and type all of that into my phone, but I did. Sometimes I read it to myself when I need to be reminded of that love. I never have to be reminded that I love those kids, but sometimes I need to be reminded that I love myself. That this isn’t a lost cause, and that I’m doing what I think is right.
Today, I’m with my family. I left for the holiday on Monday and all of my students expressed concern that I would “never, never, ever, ever, come back”. They wanted to know where I was going, what I was doing, who I was doing it with, and why.